Dear Old Silly Sunday
Dear Old Silly-
My husband. He thinks he’s all green conscious, but no way. Not nearly to my standards, anyway. He’s driving me nuts – so irresponsible. He leaves this horrible carbon print all over the place. Now, I will admit, after all my incessant and necessary haranguing, he has been good about riding his bike to work, putting things in the proper recycling containers, he uses his reusable cloth bags I bought him for when I make him go do the grocery shopping and buys only certified organic fruits and vegetables. Also at my insistence, he gave up his power lawn mower and only uses the push mower when I tell him to get his butt out there it’s time to cut the grass. I make him, and he complies, send emails instead of using paper up with snail mail letters whenever possible, and we agreed to only use 5 star rated energy efficient light bulbs, all that sort of thing.
But I have to watch him like a hawk or he’ll mess up. Like when he takes a shower – I’ve told him over and over no more than 5 minutes – just wasting water and energy – but if I don’t put a timer in the bathroom and police him, he’ll go waaaaay over, by like even a whole minute! And that’s not all. Just the other day he came back from a business lunch appointment at a sushi restaurant. Imagine my horror when I drilled him on what he’d ordered and discovered he hadn’t even asked the waiter about the sustainability of Sea Bass! And to make matters worse, he actually agreed to accept a ride home in his client’s van, putting his bike in the back of the van and fuming fossil fuel emissions all the way across town! What kind of example is that to be setting?
I tell you Old Silly, I’m at my wit’s end with this irresponsible, tree slaughtering, Mother Earth smothering guy. And I thought I could change him into a caring, thoughtful and gentle man when I married him. Boy, was I wrong!
What can I do, Old Silly – what do you suggest?
About to Turn Green with Frustration,
Nancy Allison Gunderson
Dear N.A.G.-
My condolences to your poor, pussy-whipped, stripped-of-his-pair husband. Good grief, my dear woman … do you realize that natural earth occurences, like say, a Mt. Vesuvius eruption, which happen with alarming regularity if you study the planet’s history, can put, within a few hours, more “toxic” gases and soot in the air and leave a far greater “carbon footprint” than the whole of humanity over the past one hundred years?
Look, lady – I’m all for going green, respecting Mother Earth, recycling, reusing and replenishing. This is a good thing. It is responsible living and being good stewards of God’s creation. But the notion that we, while admittedly a dominant and proliferating species on the planet, have the capability of changing the natural course of Mother Earth’s physical and geological evolution, is pure arrogance. I’d go so far to say maniacal egotistm. When Atlas gets ready to shrug, shrug He will, regardless of whether or not you put your plastic bottles out on the curb for collection.
So, in summary, I think you are an obsessive compulsive idiot, with an over-sized, delusional and crazed ego, who delights in being a control freak. I advise you, check that – I beg of you, to please leave your husband alone. He’s doing an admirable job, given the trying circumstances of living with a world-class nag like you, and deserves to have, with your full permission, a mistress – with which to relieve the stress of living under such a stringent, totalitarian dictatorship as your marriage appears to be.
Take these comments any way you wish, and have a bean sprout salad with organic peach tea to wash it down with. I’ve read that particular combination promotes sensibility synapse connections in the brain.
Yours Very Truly,
The Old Silly
~~~~~
Click on Tweety Bird and Tweet this post if you liked it!
Hahahaaa! Hoo-boy, I’d have to get out of THAT house, for sure. I agree it’s good to be green, but global warming and/or freezing is not something mankind dictates.
LOL, my husband says I nag him too much about being careful to recycle everything we can, but good god – nothing THAT bad. I know people who are as crazed out over going green like this example. That poor “pair-less” guy – he deserves a little tramp on the side. Tee hee.
Good god – poor man, he DOES need to grow a new pair! LOL
I figure long showers, in the scheme of things, are not so much of an infraction.
Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder
Mystery Lovers’ Kitchen
Good counsel, Old Silly, lol. I agree we should do what we can to be kind to our planet – but it is ridiculous to think we can alter the planet’s changes as it evolves. It has a universal mind of its own. Best for us to learn how to listen to and feel it.
You gave the NAG some very good advice, but I think we’re carrying this go green a bit too far. The concept of going green is to reduce the carbon and increase the oxygen, but do you realize just how dangerous that is? Oxygen is poisonous and flamable. We’re going to increase the oxyen level to the point that someday someone is going to fire up their backyard grill and the whole world will become one big ball of flame.
Good lord, Ron – I had no idea! Leave it to my scientific friend to point THAT out!
Yeah, ease up!!!
And trying to keep a man to less than a five minute shower? Impossible! Woman, just let him stand there all day if he likes! It makes him happy.
I can understand why he takes so long in the shower, can’t hear a word his wife says. Love the post.
As a woman myself I didn’t know such women existed.
Yvonne.
Unfortunately, I don’t think we’re doing enough to offset the damage done, let alone protect the future. Granted, a woman screaming at her husband doesn’t help.
Helen
Straight From Hel
I’m with Ms. Craig about the long shower. *smile*
And boy howdy, you got this one pegged. Be wise with what we have, but don’t be an extremist!
Tisk. Tisk. I wish I could safely ride my bike to work!
I’m read for my long, warm shower.
BTW, I voted on your other site.
Thanks for the vote, Reffie!
Dude, grow a backbone!
LOL, yeah – and give HER the bone too, hmmm?
Hahahaha! After a week-long of gloom and doom, dealing with life’s trials and tribulations, this post is such a welcomed diversion. Thanks, Old Silly, for putting laughter back into my life. Your comments to N.A.G. are just waaaay too funny! I know, I’m being reduntant here, but I just can’t help it.
I have a co-worker who behaves just like N.A.G. She has all of us recycling everything, including tiny pieces of foil from anything that contains foil.
I went to vote at your other site.
Tasha
5-minute shower? That’s too mean…
Really Angelic
I love it. We live in Northern Nevada where no one ever heard of recycling, and coming from Oregon, well you get the picture. It was hard to get used to just throwing everything in the trash. I still have a problem with that, sometimes, but I agree that we as a populace do not have that much power over Mother Nature (whoever she is) to make drastic changes in the climate. Stuff happens. Get over it already. Thanks for the chuckles.