Professor Old Silly’s Tutorial Tuesday – On Pace
Welcome back t
o Bloggyversity, English Comp Class 10001.3b, “Writing With Power in Fiction.” Please settle down, class - we are on a tight schedule with some very important material to cover. I would again ask you to turn off your ipods, cell phones, black and/or raspberries, stop with the twittering, adjust your monitors, straighten your undies, have a seat and pay close attention. I’ll not tolerate any of your typical roughhousing and hoodlum-like behavior.
Today I want to share with you another example of writing styles. It’s all about pace – the speed of movement of your story. Here are two versions of the same scene. One is slow paced, the other fast paced.
***
Crack!
The ball went up. Up. Up. Out. Further. Higher. Further.
Thirty thousand fans held their collective breath as time stopped and held them transfixed. Glen clutched at his sinking heart. Still there was hope. Maybe. A mighty west wind had held center field yard unbeatable all afternoon. The ball rose higher. Glen’s heart sank deeper.
Surreal, it seemed, as the slow motion play unfolded below. Like clay puppets struggling to scramble, but lacking real muscles to propel them with efficient motion. Fate seemed to mold their motions frame by frame in a stop/adjust/stop/adjust/stop/adjust impossible to believe, lackadaisical series of jerky hiccups. Excruciating.
The pitcher’s pained face was fixed on yonder far yard. The catcher’s mask was off, his stance and body language one that said, ‘Dammit, I told you he’d hit your heat. He knew it was coming. Why don’t you ever listen to me?’
The center fielder made his way back. Back. And the ball went up – and back. But wait – a sudden downward trajectory! Glen’s heart pumped again with the glimmer of hope, with the scarcely believable but just-might-be-possible chance. He fixed his eyes westward, his mind taking a snapshot of the backdrop of azure skies spotted here and about with puffs of cumulus, his nose registering atmospheric conditions heavily dosed with scents of beer, popcorn and corn dogs. Then the play. The play that would decide everything. This was it. It all came down to now. With his back against the wall, the player leaped – glove wide, high above the fence.
Smack!
Horse-hide met cow-leather in an eye and ear popping catch that could be heard throughout the entire massive stadium. The fearsome reign of silence that had been lord of the arena began to slowly crumble. The very fabric of the air began to tear apart as thunderous peals of shouts and roars of victory pummeled the heinous dictator and banished it forever into exile.
Glen sighed, let go his grip on his jacket just outside of the heart, and turned to his wife. They hugged, jumped up and down, hooted and hollered together. The impossible had become a reality. The little guys had beat the big bad guys. Celebrations would ring the city’s all-night hours alive with the joyous sparkle of a million happy-go-lucky and inebriated townsfolk tonight.
***
Above we have an example of the scene written in slow, detailed pace. Now let’s speed it up and see the same scene in faster motion.
***
Thirty thousand held their breath as the pitcher let his heat fly. Smack! The ball flew up and away, streaking out into center field like a laser guided missile on a search-and-destroy-every-heart-in-the-arena mission. Glen grabbed his heart and choked, gasping for air - some glimmer of hope. Players scrambled in a flurry. Center fielder was the last chance, the only possible one to stave off certain doom, an end to what had been the most improbable of journeys all season.
The ball went out and up. Just as it seemed all was lost, the center fielder leaped right at the moment when the ball fell just enough to …
He caught it! The stadium erupted in waves of disbelief and torrential screams of victory. We won! We won! We’re number one! The champions!
Glen and his wife grabbed each other and jumped for joy in a hopping happy dance. Hometown would be party town tonight.
***
Two different styles, different approaches to writing the same scene. And of course you can go anywhere in between. Which style do you like best, and why, and for which kinds of scenes do you think fast pace is better than slow pace and visa versa? As always, please leave your comments on my desk, and class … class?
Class!?
Sigh, still not getting through to them. Perhaps I’ll show a movie next week, or maybe just retire? Oh well, off to the teachers’ lounge for a nice refreshing hot cocoa with a shot of rum? I need a lift.
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Great points, Professor Marvin!
Fast pace goes well with action scenes and the thriller genre. You can write a slower pace with cozy mysteries (which I do. Until I reach an action scene!)
Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder
Good lesson. I like both styles, but I think I like the faster pace for thrill scenes,fights, etc. Slow it down for romantic scenes, lol
I liked the ‘crack’ in the longer scene and think if it were added to the shorter scene, that would work best for me.
I like these tutorials because as a reader it’s interesting to note how authors create different effects.Nicely explained here with these examples.I like both styles, as you said, they work in different ways. For sports I liked the faster pace.
They are both well-written, but I like the slow scene because it was more dramatic.
Baseball is a fast paced game so the fast approach works best. Slow and sensual needs more of a slow workup to the action.
Very interesting and clear tutorial, Marv. I like both styles but the faster pace works best for me in this scene.
I’m a fast-paced gal, myself. But I can see where slower would work better in certain scenes. Great illustration. Thanks.
Karen
I
Liked
This
Post.
Howzthatforpacing?
hee hee
Great class!
I like the faster pace, kinda!!! I think I would like an inbetween version please!
Naw, sometimes I think the slow pace would be better when really, really (I know, don’t use those words, sorry) trying to get the reader into the scene but at other times I think I wouldn’t want the reader to give up, get tired and say come on with it!!!
What do I know??? I’m just saying…
Love the lesson. I do learn so much from them!
T
I lost you at adjusting underwear.
Ha!
My answer is “it depends”. For the baseball, I prefer the faster pace as when a batter hits the ball, things happen fast.
Someone made the comment earlier that they prefer a slower pace for the romantic parts of a story. The author I’m reading has, in the past, set a slower pace for her bedroom scenes. In her current book, not so much. It was almost Wham, Bam, thank you M’am. I felt cheated.
LOL. RG – I’d feel cheated TOO!
Wonderful example of how changing the pace alters the scene. Both segments are good; there’s more tension in the faster paced and more detail and a slower build in the first segment. It’s really a judgment call, isn’t it? I would guess the decision could be based on how important it is to Glen to catch that ball. What’s riding on it?
Elspeth
Each one goes for a different effect. The slow one builds tension. The fast one is, well, fast and keeps the pace moving.
Good examples.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Movie next week!?!??! COOL! I’ll be there.
Hot cocoa and rum? Sounds like a plan to me. Maybe hot cocoa and peppermeint schnaps. That’s the ticket.
They are both very well written, Marvin! I think the first example with the greater detail shows off your writing talent the most, but the second one sparks a little more excitement in me.
Yet another excellent lesson. much enjoyed. Love the pic too, I am not the one asleep I hasten to add.
Yvonne.
do you know the max number of neighbors that i can have in farmville?