Welcome back to Bloggyversity, English Comp Class 10001.3b, “Writing
With Power in Fiction.” Be seated, class, your full attention, please, and I mean right now. Really - let’s get right down to business. Stop with the flirting and nonsense, turn off your ipods, cell phones, black and/or raspberries, stop with the twittering, get your faces out of Facebook, adjust your monitors, adjust your underwear, plop your butts in your seats and be still. I am as usual in no mood for your typical hooliganistic behaviors.
Ahem. Thank you. Today we’ll delve into more on realistic sounding dialog. As we’ve discussed earlier in this course, in a conversation between two characters, once the back and forth flow of the talking is established, oftentimes the dialog tags become needless and even burdensome, and should, for the most part, be dispensed with. But one should be careful not to create a dry passage in the book where the dialog is reduced to what is referred to as mere ‘talking heads’ … a talk between two individuals with no body movement or actions taking place, with predictable responses to each other as if done in push-button, knee-jerk reactions. And, I might add, with knees the prose does not mention and, apparently, the characters have none of. Here is an example of a sterile conversation, one in which the tags are soon dropped, but the scene just sits there like a dry, flat pancake with no syrup.
~~~~~
“Do you want to go to the movies with me tonight,” John asked Mary.
Mary said, “That would be wonderful. What is showing? I really want to see Avatar if it is still at the Imax theater in 3D.”
“Oh it is still there, all right. Still breaking records every weekend, too.”
“Great. So what time do you want to go?”
“Can I pick you up around seven? Show starts at seven thirty, that will give us plenty of time I would think.”
“Cool. This is like, so totally awesome, John. Thanks for inviting me.”
“Oh you are welcome, Mary. I would not want to go with anyone else.”
“Really? So you are saying that I am special to you?
~~~~~
Now, wasn’t that about as entertaining as watching paint dry? No, not even quite that much fun, I didn’t think so, either. So. What’s wrong with this picture?
There is no picture. Nothing is shown to the reader. What are John and Mary doing while they talk? What tones of voices, inflexions, and body movements are happening? What’s happening in the background? None of this is written into the scene. Additionally, the dialog itself sounds stilted. For one thing, people speak in contractions. Unless you are writing a character with say, an especially prim and proper upbringing, or maybe a stiff upper lip professor of English, use contractions in your dialog. For another thing, all the questions asked received direct and immediate answers. Most people, unless they are speaking to a superior or have been programmed to respond like robots, do not always give a question a direct answer. They might just as often change the subject or ask a question back. Let’s now look at this passage rewritten with some more interest and realism put into it.
~~~~~
“Do you want to go to the movies with me tonight,” John asked Mary, his usual baritone rising with a bit of nervousness. He bit his lower lip and crossed his fingers beneath the picnic table.
Mary’s face lit up as she said with a delighted squeal, “That would be wonderful. What’s showing? I really want to see Avatar if it’s still at the Imax theater in 3D.”
A balmy fall breeze wafted through the overhead Maples. John held his visible excitement to a minimum, shifted his weight and said, “Oh it’s still there, all right. Still breaking records every weekend, too.” He swatted at a fly.
“Great. So what time do you want to go?”
“Hey—what’s that?” John pointed with a quizzical look at her pink leather bag atop the table.
“Hmm?”
He pointed again. “Your purse, it’s got a smudge or something on it.
Mary looked. She rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. “Crap. Nasty birds.” She snatched out some hand wipes and started cleaning her purse. “Bird poop. Just frickin’ great.”
“Can I pick you up around seven? Show starts at seven thirty, that’ll give us plenty of time I would think.” He ran his fingers through his thick black hair.
“Cool. This is like, so totally awesome, John.” She continued scrubbing, but gave John a seductive wink and said, “Thanks for inviting me.”
Wow, John thought, her voice can sound so sexy, so sultry. And oh, my god. I could get lost in those hazel eyes. “Oh, you’re welcome, Mary. I wouldn’t want to go with anyone else.” He smiled, cocked his head to the side and stroked his chin.
“Really?” Mary finished her cleaning job, set her purse down with a little grunt of satisfaction, and after a breathy sigh and a scoot closer to John, leaned in and tilted her head up so she could whisper in his ear, “So you’re saying I’m special to you?”
~~~~~
Much better, hmm? Okay that’ll be it for today, class. Please, as usual leave your comments on my desk, and make sure to blog in next week Tuesday, as we’ll be discussing even more subtleties with regard to composing realistic and natural sounding dialog. Gotta scoot – I promised Ms. Flanders a nice veggie lunch in the Student Union, and she … oh there she is now ….
You coming, Professor Old Silly? I’m starving!
Yes, Ma’am! Okay, class, chow.
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Bald Faced (and Headed) Liar Old Silly
Posted by theoldsilly on February 9, 2010
So she rubbed her hands together and with sinister glee added me to the list of peeps to get this one. Even though she knows I don’t “do” blog awards. Never. She did this to irritate me and make me be like nice, knowing full well I don’t “do” nice. Women. Anyway, I humbly accepted and appreciate her bestowing of this award on me and have, with irked/appreciative attitude, decided to take part in my own Maverick way … to an extent.
As with most of these awards, there are rules. I hate rules. And rules are meant to be broken. So I’ll have some fun here. Here’s what you’re supposed to do:
1. Thank the person who gave this to you. (√, did that, and again, thank you very much, Helen … I didn’t have enough time yesterday to compose a Professor Old Silly writing tutorial and this easy-to-almost-do-in-entirety thingy came in quite handy! (wink))
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog. (√, it’s in this post and up on my blog page for awards. I don’t put blog awards on my main page. Shoot me, I don’t care.)
3. Link to the person who nominated you. (√, Helen is hyperlinked all over this post. Wait – so far the links have all been to her blog. I’m gonna be super duper nice and give you also her primary website, just click here.)
4. Tell us up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth. (This is the easy one, will comply with pleasure below.)
5. Allow your readers to guess which one or more are true. (√, have at it. I dare you)
6. Nominate seven “Creative Writers” who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies. (Nope. I don’t get into tag games with awards. But I do extend an open invitation to any regular reader of Free Spirit who is a blogger and wants, to grab the award and participate. Feel FREE! Wheee!)
7. Post links to the seven blogs you nominate. (Again, no thanks, but if you want to participate, leave me a comment and I’ll link to your blog the day of your post if ya let me know when. I know, I’m getting soft in my old age.)
8. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them. (N/A, unless some peeps take me up on #7, in which case I’ll make like nice.)
Okay. Now for the fun part. Here are six outrageous things about the Old Silly. All but one is a bald-faced (and bald-headed in my case) lie. Your job is to figure out which one is an outrageous truth and cast your vote in the comments. Ready? Let’s do this.
1. I was once a heroin addict.
2. I’ve walked a city of mountaintop Mayan ruins and meditated there, on the peak of a spiritual temple pyramid, high above sea level, from high noon ’til midnight, with a Zen Master.
3. I once “dated” Diana Ross before she became a Motown star in my hometown Detroit and was selling tail on Woodward Avenue.
4. I’m married to an Asian woman who taught me how to speak fluent Chinese.
5. I appeared in a movie with Sigourney Weaver’s sister.
6. I once had breakfast with Rod Steiger. He was driving a big rig, doing research for an upcoming movie in which he was to play a truck driver. He pulled into a truck stop where I was eating and the place was packed. The only available seat was at the counter next to me. He appreciated the fact that, although I recognized him, I did not shout it out to everyone and cause him to be swarmed for autographs.
Now. Which one is the truth? Hmm?
Oh – and before y’all click off into the Blue Nowhere, please blog over to Terry O’Dell’s blog today. She’s posting a feature on one of the characters from my Owen Fiddler novel. It’s a humorous spoof on the James Lipton “Inside the Actor’s Studio” show, with an underlying spiritual message from the book. To get there for a good read, just click here!
Love you guys, take your best shot in the comments, and blog back in tomorrow for something special. Chow!
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